A Conversation

A fascinating statement by my tutor while discussing the prospects of my dissertation

Prof. : When can you all submit in your 1st draft of the dissertation? You can start after your exams and your event

Me : Mmm...December?

Prof : Yea yea! Lets see *thinksss* How abouttt *thinks further* December 15th? *smiles brightly*

Me : But..it's my birthday! And here I was being happy thinking that this year I won't be having any exams on my birthday

Prof : Well, it could be worse. When you're a mother and you have kids, on your birthday you'll be washing the dishes and taking care of them

*momentarily notes to self : DO NOT & I mean NEVER have kids*

Buttt, look at this baby!

How can you possibly not want to have one? Certainly mine won't have blue eyes. But who could resist having a mischievious baby around! Therefore to ensure dish washing on your own birthday never happens, you'll need a plan.

Master plan : Ensure that I marry someone who's willing to wash the dishes on my birthday..in fact, everyday *SMILES*

Better start praying for it now * fingers crossed* Hahah

La Fin

And from here on,
I bid you au revoir

Sam

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that takes our breath away - Hilary Cooper

Because I live for people like you and moments like this 

As they say, friends are like wine,

 They get better with age

Pwned by Autocorrect

Sunday, 9th October

17:49

A conversation between myself and good ol' Tracy.

I was momentarily stumped

Thinking that 'Yeshiva' is a new word for giving someone Godly praises

I got pwned by autocorrect

Pftt

Why hello again

Been quite awhile since I've brought my fingers tapping on these keypads for this blog of mine. Feeling them move lithely, gliding over the words faster than my mind can comprehand what I want to say is a pretty calming thing. And hmm would it be just me that actually finds enjoyment in hearing the little taptaptap sound whenever each word in punched in? Heh.

You know there are times when you reflect back at things now and back then, the way you are, or relationships with people, what have you achieved and felt that you've grown? Those moments of reflection. How differently you see things now. I believe everyone has their own little story to tell, their own little secret and their own little thoughts. I actually don't know where this is going, basically just letting my fingers move with the flow. Maybe I'll just write it down like I am telling a story

Flashback to a fresh Spring
Flower buds waiting anxiously for bloom
The smell of the snow thawing
The sound of the birds and bees waking
Couples strolling down the park

Soon it was Summer
The flowers bloomed in all its glory
The birds chirping happily
The smell of honeyed-air
Children galloping away in the sun

Then Autumn came along
A brilliant folliage
The myriad of colour astounds
Inhaling the damp chilly air
Once more couples took slow walks in the park

December is reaching
Feel the gusts of wind whirring
The year almost complete
Reflecting, smile lines form at the corner of your eyes
As I bent down to kiss your lips

Hah, that was typed in a jiffy. Guess I could refine it but ah well, some things are best left raw :)

Moving on & Letting go?

These are two different things; moving on and letting go. Moving on takes time but letting go takes more. DF, what you hear is of someone who has moved on but have not forgotten about all that's been done. The deed done. Lines crossed. Words exchanged. And all these cannot be taken back. That's where the path of these 2 people end, maybe never to cross again. I was never quite a believer of how things has to come down to this because I always believed in second chances. But well, maybe I'm wrong. Just maybe, somethings need to come down to this.

Its funny how things play out sometimes. Doing things you never thought u would. And not doing things you always thought you would. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. This one I believe definitely does.

On a random note, am currently very addicted to techno. House is pretty good as well. And those club mix. You can just feel the beat coursing through you. Throw in a couple of tumblers of whisky and you're right thereee

Rainy days and Fridays

Being in a cold office with a seat that looks out a large window, grey skies, occasional thunder and the coldness of it all actually makes a really good atmosphere. Though admittedly, a little distracting. The weather draws you away from work to huddling near each other and having light hearted conversations

And finally, a good nights rest. Need not worry about 2.30 mornings from having to deal with letters, stress and late night discussions coupled with 7am mornings and 9 hours of work. Ohh, and that one and a half months more of break. Suh-weett

Things on the wanna-do-list besides the upcoming Installation? The pool, the clubs, the drinks, the long afternoon lunches, the conversations over a cuppa, the strolls downtown, the beach, and of course, la nourriture (that's food for you in French ).

Summer is definitely here, I can feel it. Things are getting really good.  And some things this summer, will not be the same after everything but really, who can you blame but yourself. Having feel like you're back to square one is never fun, but what I inspire, I'm going to achieve  :)

Monday Blues

Yes, its one of those monday blues. Weird urge of not wanting to end a phone call or just simply lie in bed but not wanting to sleep on a late Sunday night before has its consequences when you have to go in for a full day job the next day. 

Today's note to self :
1. I shouldn't fret so easily on certain things but sometimes, I really can't help it. Am gonna try, one thing at a time. Can't wait to start crossing things out of this checklist. Heh
2. Sleep early. Well..by midnight. Hopefully :)

And just thought I'd share this,
Perseverance is not a long race : It is many short races, one after another – Walter Elliot

Perseverance. A reminder of our goals in life and why we have them there in the first place. Everything we have is here for a reason and we should always persevere. More than having a goal because of someone else, always have it because you yourself want it. Now that, when achieved, is satisfaction *winks*

Shower me Down

There's something really beautiful about taking a long shower in the dark when there's a thunderstorm brewing outside. There's something quite about it that's quiet, calming..soothing. A sense of je ne sais quoi. The room in darkness with the only light coming from that little lamp by the bedside and from the curtain slightly drawn back letting in the last low golden rays of the day that made it through the grey clouds and onto the parquet floor makes you just want to stop in your step and gaze at the beauty of it all. The greyness that I can see through that little window above my head as I stand beneath the shower makes me feel safe where I am. The smell of cold rain hanging fresh in the air can never smell better as you breath it in amidst the dark surroundings. Inhaling deep and long like it's never going to be enough. That yearning for more of it. Feeling the rhythmic movement as your chest rises and falls and feeling so in tune with your body, it feels strangely good. And you know that soft zzhhhhh drum of the  heater's water pump as it works? It's like soft comforting music to the soul. The toilet door left slightly ajar sends the soft music playing from the room wafting in and a soft stream of yellow light into the toilet illuminating the blue and white checkered mosaic tiles of the bathroom's floor. All this as you feel the droplets of water patter and slide down your back, scrubbing yourself in and smelling like fresh apricots after. Towelling dry and curling up in bed, I can only wish for more days like this.

A little update. Wokieee lets see
1. My first day of job tommorow! For the next 3 weeks at least. Gosh, early mornings once more. Definitely not used to that.

2. Jogging today was terrible! Sheesshhh. Must've been the late night and late morning making me feel so lethargic. Plus the omg weather that we've been having this week. Seriously hot. Like no kidding.

3. The sunburns are getting better! Though uhmm, I do look like a reptile currently undergoing a phase of the changing of skin. Whatever you call that scientifically.

4. Out of context, but I wish I am more a straightforward kinda person *explanation removed* Rawr

5. Had a small surprise birthday gathering for Mademoiselle R. Got her a clutch bag that I thought was just so her. It was B&W, had zippers running aross it horizontally, cute and well, it reminded me of a zebra as well. You see, she has a thing for zebra's. Don't ask why. Did she like it? I'm pretty sure she loved it. Hahah!

6. Has developed a liking of strolling down streets and walking into boutique shops. Well, I meant those with unique pieces and things but at an affordable price. High end ones like ThirtyFour are well..lets just say that they take alot of kachingg outta your bank account. But I gotta say, those Italian leather on those bags. Yummyyy. Love love love the rouge bag. And ohh, the mustard coloured one that caught mon amies eyes were a darling as well.

completed.

A Retreat In A Place Not Too Far Away

Yowdyy. As you can already tell from the title, there was a little retreat at a lake not too far away. Stayed at this pretty cozy lake front villa amidst lush vegetation, the breeze, lovely sunset over the lake and the other bits that made this place such a lovely treat.

An eventful day filled with lots of activities - water sports, cycling, empty talks and the likes, bbq for dinner and of course it wouldn't have been complete without some a little camwhoring. Heh. It was good catching up on things and just laughing at each others sillyness and fear of falling off the banana boat among the other rides.

Cycling down the narrow trail where trees throw an overcast of shadows on the ground and the slight breeze kicking up every now and then brushing its gentle touch over our face was really nice. It's not often that we can indulge in such things because we're busy being caught up in the human race. Cycling in comfortable presence, exchanging occasionally sentences while glancing at the setting sun over the lake, moments like these gives you time to think and reflect. And it reminds you of who you truly are. What you truly enjoy and not this thing of a person that society often helps to form over time. The usual materialistic, prideful stuff. We all have some of that in us. Just depends how much. Heh.

On our little expedition we also came across a lovely deck that opened up onto the lake. It was wooden and painted in virgin white. With nicely manicured grass housing the stone steps leading down onto the deck and lovingly pruned flowering plants surrounding it. Such a perfect sight amidst everything. And somehow it further fueled my desire to have a home in this place that I have in my mind. To have a home there. Overlooking the lake and the trees. A lovely verandah. Crisp clean air. Well, that'll be in the future..a couple of years down the road at least. But I'll definitely keep this thought in mind.

Dinner was ever so lovely by the lake. We had the gazebo which was a plus and the radio! And the channel, whatever channel we were on, was playing string after string of lovely music. Wonderful  music, fabulous company, drinks and fantastic food. What more could one ask for?

Definitely looking forward to more such moments in the future.

                                                            Taken by yours truly. Rawr

Hmm..well I can say that I've had a pretty pretty packed week. Pun intended. Lots of new experiences, a job offer, a haircut, got pampered to a mani and padi..achy feet, lots of food (because I was hungry and it was the granny's 84th birthday dinner on Saturday! Pftt), some exercise, part-timed at an event, meet new people, talked with some that I only ever said Hi! to. It was good. I think we all really had fun working together even though it was tiring no doubt. And Yeng almost cried on the last day. Or at least that was what it looked like. Heheh. Nawww ite? Well, we'll be looking forward to working for you guys in the future again if we can make it no doubt.

Looking forward to my holidays next week + a last minute one in which I'll be leaving on the night which I fly back to town. And maybe..work right after that? Or should I take a day to rest first? Well, not to say that I agreed to taking up the job yet. But I suppose I should. If I do it's going to mean that I won't be having my weekends to myself and my personal night-time off and there goes my evening jogs. But I suppose long working hours is what I'll be needing for the next 2 months.

Random fact of the night : Something that I read from my friend quoted from this person called Ah Moi Rachel 

'Its amazing how someone can break your heart and how you could still love them with the little pieces'

Well, if only you had the option of throwing those little pieces away. It would definitely make life an easier place for yourself. But I'm not talking about love. I'm talking about hate. Makes me wonder how some people can choose to hate so easily. Sometimes you can't help but be envious.

That reminds me of the movie Love, Sex and Drugs which we caught at the theaters last night. Really really good movie! They were sort of like fwb's and then it evolved to more. The temptations of such a relationship. Very understandable. My two cents especially when you can connect to the effects of knowing what being in a commited relationship can cost you : As we always say, after such experiences how are you ever going to know when someone is telling you the truth and otherwise? This applies to friendship with people that you do care about. The truth is, we know we can't ever tell. We leave it in the other persons hands to take our trust and treasure it. In other words, faith. Blind faith. And the meaning of the word Faith wavers as you go through certain things. But in the end we still try I suppose. Maybe. I'm not too sure about that. But I do recommend this movie. It is really pretty good. And another one, but this one I catched on HBO. It's called The Blind Side, a 2009 production. Also a semi-biographical film starring Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw. Really touching and well scripted. Ohh and did I mention that Sandra Bullock looks really hot here? Yea. Like really. So much I'd jump her if I was a guy. Ahahahah!

Edit: I think we're telepathic. This isn't the first time you know? If you're reading this you know this line is meant for you. Pfttttt!

Late Monday mornings

Fluttering your eyelids open on a Monday mornning, when was the last time you did that and thought 'Hmm, what are my plans for the day? That's right, head to the pool and spend some quiet and relaxing time'? If it's been ages then maybe its time to pull out that carry bag of yours, throw in your swimsuit, sunblock, robe, even your sunhat and a book if you may and hit the pool, or the sea if you have the privilege to have that near you.

The late Monday morning sun beating down our almost bare backs and warming the chilly water just ever so slightly as we waddle around, compete in our very own breath-holding competition, throw jokes, exchange stories and listen to the ringing sounds of our laughter amidst the serene setting was perfectly what we were looking forward too. And of course there has to be our usual dose of sillyness, poking fun at each other and well, just doing the most random eye-rolling acts. Say..walking behind the bushes and stalking the guard to know when he's gone so we can run across to the kids pool and secretly go onto the kids slide. I know. We're probably just deprived of slide rides when we were younger. I vouch for it being the parent's fault. Heheh.

The after was where we had our share of a gorgeous lunch what with that refreshing salad, spaghetti bolognese and well..macdonald's fries and nuggets. That's quite abit ey? Let's hope that all the laughing helped burn those calories off. Heh. Looking forward to more such late Monday mornings in the future. For now, goodnight

Sammie

5 Minutes Of Fame

A 40 minutes ride out of town to meet up with one of my dearest friend. I love long rides and what's better? Knowing that I'll be getting good hugs later on. Gosh yes, I'm a sucker for long hugs. And seeing said friend ensures really good long lovely warm hugs. Just the hugs alone without any conversation would have made me delirious already. Heh. True.

And nothing better than to sit in a car belting out loud as we make our way to dinner. Radio turned up high, the darkness surrounding us and all of us trying to put on our best rocker-boy/babe voice singing, humming and getting the lyrics mixed up save for the chorus and intro. Pfttt. It was hilarious but none of us could have cared less. Definitely a moment. And a moment that I would do again and again. The song that gave us our 5 minutes of fame? Jenny by The Click Five

She calls me baby
Then she won't call me
Says she adores me
And then ignores me
JENNYYY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

First you say you won't
Then you say you will
You keep me hanging on
And we're not moving on
Or standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
JENNYYY, IT'S KILLING MEEE!

Yes the two choruses aren't in order. They're just basically the parts that we know best. Go us. Pfttt. And yup, those bolded parts were exactly where we tried screaming our awesomely failed but nontheless rockish voices out. Lovely.

Sometimes we are allowed to dream. And it's what gets us to places :)

The hours after

Completed the curry puff making session earlier. May I present thee the final product *wait for ittt*

Okay well, it actually tastes better then it looks! That was taken using my ancient camera phone and I couldn't be bothered to plate it up nicely before snapping this shot. Yes I was lazy. It was a hot hot afternoon here and believe it if you will, it takes up alot of energy to work in such conditions. Pftt. But, I can tell you that it tasted good. With its buttery and flaky pastry and spicy vegetarian filling. Yummm

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

So I was reading this blog tonight. A blog that belongs to this dear friend of mine. Haven't actually heard her voice in months now and I haven't been to her blog because she changed it and I was preoccupied previously that her blog slipped my mind and well, I can give alot of other reasons but it doesn't matter. They're just reasons. Excuses we feed into our lives. But what matters is that well tonight I noticed the new link and started reading. 10 minutes into it..and she got me smiling. A lot. She's just so silly. And honest. And she's just so lively and sweet. And most importantly..so her. That's why I love so much reading all that she wrote. Its almost like I can hear her voice saying those words out loud. And then it hits me, I miss her. Hahahah.

Past couple of months, I seem to have a couple more conversations than usual with others as well as Jyou on the aspect of people changing. For better or for worse. Well, not just internally but physically as well. It is a fact. People do change. Its not necesarrily a bad thing. Some changes makes a person better. And some makes you treasure what you have even more. I don't know how to describe this feeling but amidst these all, seeing a part that so clearly remains the same in someone whom is close to you like I did today, its a nice reassurement. A reassurement that although life is fluid, that it flows and changes over time. But some part remains static. It stays. It's good.

On another note, I have this feeling of mmm, how do I say this. When you know, you feel that you have so much joy and love in you that all it wants to do is just thunderbolt out of your heart? Jyou, I'm guessing maybe this is how you feel when you see Fanny and her cuteness. LOL. But yea, am feeling it. Maybe its the after effects of having hit the replay button too much on Duet. It's such a lovely song.

Doesn't she just look stunning? And her voice in Duet alongside Ray Lamontagne. Such bliss

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Read this in an article posted online. I like it.

Birds of spring return to their nest

Leaves of autumn fall to their roots

We will all one day be laid to rest

For to stay is because you hate

To leave is because you love

Today I got reminded that I should smile. Because I look nice when I do. I guess this is where I say..mm thanks? And so maybe I should be thankful that I naturally do smile quite abit? Pfttt

Healthy Slice of Life

The much looked forward to long break has finally arrived. Been spending the past 2 weeks really well I have to say. Especially the past week. And I can see that it's only going to get better. Weets. Anyhow, been feeling alil of a health junkie recently. Also, minus the frequent very late nights and subsequent late mornings on days that I can afford to, everyday has been good. They're those days when you wake up and just feel good. You feel happy. Even though life has its own little potholes but somehow you just have this feeling of contentment in you. And I love it. Though I just have to keep in mind to curb the frequency of these late late nights so I can get up at say..half 9 or mm..10? Hahah. But you know, I do enjoy my late night conversations. They're almost always usually really really good. Rawrr

Have been feeding on really good breakfast and lunch..which is sometimes well, brunch. Heh. Been having beautiful panini pressed sandwhich filled with ham, egg or tuna topped over with simply fantastic New Zealand table cheese which surprisingly when melted has such a rich aroma and that much-looked-forward-to stringy mozarella like bits when you sink your teeth into that slice of crispy bread and pull away. Yumm. That or I'll be having Cheerios 5-grained cereal for breakfast with fresh milk. Ahhh, and not to forget those yoghurt waiting for me in my refrigerator. This is good. Real good.

Random talk:
So there's this new swimsuit that I got. Hahah. My little pleasures. V said I was a bad girl for wasting daddy's money. Sticks tongue out. Hahah. So but anyways V, I am looking forward to donning them at youknowwhere. My aunt took a glance at it and jokingly said 'your dad approved the budget but are you sure he'll approve the design?' Pfttt, I swear my aunts here to make sure my dad don't let me get away with too many things. But my dad if he had any comments in his mind, being the lovely dad that he is withheld it all in. So, plan failed. 1-Sammie 0-Aunty. Beams.


With that, I think it's time to head back down and help said aunt above with her curry puffs! Guess that's what I'll be having for tea today. Happy rawrrrs

Lately some things has been happening and I was trying to find an answer. However in my quest to find this reasoning, I think I risked too much. I showed people my vulnerability and with that alot of inferences were deduced. I know I was upset. A little mad even. But then I think people started thinking I was just furious and maybe just overly tensed up round the clock. Basically nothing good. I can't say they're outright wrong, because I was a little bit of everything at some point. But I think from that, having had that impression that I was in such a mode, my words these past couple of days were actually taken out of context when I didn't mean it the way people saw it to be. Don't take it that way ite. I really do not mean it to be so.

The whole thing about moving on, to stop thinking about the past and letting go is complicated. It's difficult for friends to see what I was trying to achieve. Never was I fighting to get back a relationship that I knew wasn't there. But it was fighting for the friendship that's left. Fighting for honesty and truth. Fighting the faith of wanting to believe in you again. It was fighting to know why certain promises were broken. The promises to be lived up to regardless if together or not. Its one of those things where only the two people involved can understand its depth.

The misunderstanding of my words, possibly its because of the way I portrayed myself to be in the last couple of weeks. Maybe all I seem like is that I'm just full of rage, unable to get past the past. Today you sent me a text before you flew off telling me that I should calm down and stop thinking of the past. Admittedly the past couple of weeks hasn't been an emotionally smooth sail. That is the truth. I was fighting for alot of things. Things that may be hard for you to understand. We always knew that we were two so different people. But unlike your conclusion that introverts should date introverts, I digress. For me, I don't think I'll let that trait determine who I choose to be with even after this.

But you know, I am finally able to say that I have achieved that feeling of calmness.The strangest part was that that sense of calm enveloped me when after so long I finally told myself that I'm willing to let everything go. That I need not have to fight for this friendship so bad. That it is okay to just lose everything that we have. To rebuild or not, that lies in the future. Of couse I would always wish for the best. It's a really weird thing to explain to anyone. To let go this feeling of wanting to have that person remain as a part of your life regardless of what role each of the party takes on, its tough. Its tough to accept losing their presence. And it's something that you'll only be able to connect to after you have been given the chance to love someone so deeply and be loved back equally. That is why talking to V is comforting. We're similar in ways when it comes to loving someone. When it comes to giving. Maybe in the end we're the ones that risk losing alot because we love so deeply and completely. But I don't think we can actually love any other way.

I'm actually glad that night happened. That night helped me see how things were and that realization brought me to where I am now. Truly, I am not upset nor worked up anymore. I am the calmest that I have been for the past couple of weeks. And I can confidently say that that feeling remained even as I read your text to me tonight. Telling me to stop thinking of the past. Because I have. Not the bit of what we were, that one I've learnt to let go even before. But that night, I learnt to let go off the final bit which held me back. The bit where I needed reassurance that I'll still have your presence grace my life. The journey has yet to be completed and there's still work to do. But at least, I have gotten past the toughest part.

Looking towards the future like I am Superman.

One of those days where you make a decision and you simply feel this weight lifted off your shoulders. People say when you pray and talk to god this happens too. Well, I've yet to experience that. Being that I never truly looked at God. I just took it that there's one somewhere up there. It's a comforting thought somewhat, that someone will always be watching over you and the people that you care for. After today, there's no looking back. The casualness of the past..like I told 'sunshine', maybe in the future if things changes for the better.

Twas good to have some lovely company on an equally lovely morning..afternoon and early evening. Nothing beats having hours on end lunches. Well, I do suppose hours on end dinners can give these lunches a fight for its money. But it's a good enough one this one. I liked how we were seated at the corner with the cool conditioning and the bright late March sun beating down from the outside through those high overhead glass panels making it seem like we were dining a la alfresco, just excluding the intense heat.

Uber liked the charm bracelet we got. It's very classy and me likey. And am looking forward to Yen Wei's big day :)

Because we're never alone

Edit:
For you and you that has been listening to me. Talking to me, sharing and caring. I'm grateful to have you in my life. To V, if and when you read this, for everything that you've had to go through, know that I'm really proud of you. Although I've already told you that and you know it. Heh.

Life ain't always easy. It ain't a bed of roses, as we slowly come to realise bit by bit. Our life ain't perfect, but who cares, no one's life it. We just got to be honest and stay true to ourselves. There's nothing worse than having so much pride and wanting, needing, people to think that your good. You can fool some, but you can't fool all. The people who comes the closest to having a seemingly perfect life are people whom truly embrace all of what they have and not feeling the need to convince people that their life is picture perfect.

The best thing about life is knowing that you have people who truly cares for you. People who wants you to be allright. People who remembers what your plans are even when you don't. People who calls after you tell them on msn that you're not well. People who drop a lovely text to you for no reason at all. People who give you a call because they haven't heard your voice in abit. These people, they're the people that we should really treasure. And these are the people that reminds us that no matter how bad things are, we're never alone.

Cheers

                                                  

Time-check

Time-check : 10.51pm.

Progress of my ADM revision : Page 27 out of 220 pages

Distraction is the evil to all mankind. I am trying to achieve 2 things at the moment. Ace my exams and well..not bother too much about a certain thing that occasionally comes to mind.

"Why is it that when one choses to instill distance in our relationship I take it within my stride, but when it is I that shows a lack of response, one makes it so clear that ones upset? And yet deep down I still truly do want that one person to feel good. Happy. Some things are so absurd it exceeds the comprehension capabilities of a normal human mind.Or maybe, just maybe I am not that normal after all" :)

Back to the topic, I got Karen to read my horoscope the other day. She told me that it's been pretty accurate for her. Well sadly the site had everything in Chinese characters and god knows how well I can read Chinese. Pretty much the word for the number 1, 2 and 3 as well as my own name. Hah. So yes, got her to translate it for me and amidst all the flowery jumble of those things, what it says is that I'm looking forward to a coming trip. And boy is that prediction dead on. Have been excited over it for the past 2 days before I  got her to read that. Yayyer. 3 more weeks? It feels like ages since I went away for a little retreat and baby I can't wait :)

P.s. To you who said something about why these 2 people have yet to run out of things to say to each other after being  in a relationship for 6 years, well relationships really are that special. Everything becomes something. Even nothing becomes something. There really are no words that can describe this magical thing. And the both of us know how they both are really lucky to have each other :)

Love?

Love. The word that people both look forward to and fear to fall prey to. A double-edged sword this one. So I've been thinking that at some point we'll all have to go through this cycle and hopefully fall into the former category rather than the latter. I've seen lots of people reeling in delight from love. And alot more left kneeling on their knees picking up the pieces of whats left of the relationship. What's left of them.


We small talk, work and the weather. Your guard is up and I know why


To both I can connect to. But what I ponder on is, when you know you without a doubt deserve better, deserve more, why do you still chose to fight for the relationship that you're currently in? Jyou told me not too long ago its never equal in a relationship. Ones always giving more than the other. I would love to digress. I have been where it was almost equal. Probaly not 50-50. But it was close. A 49-51. And it was bliss. It was what made me smile at the back of the car. It was what made me look so eagerly towards the end of the day when I can see my love again.


Forever can never be long enough for me. To feel like I've had long enough of you


When you've felt that, it's like tasting the finest quality of all marijuanas and your entire being just refuses to settle for second grade dope. Yet when you're starved of any drug to keep you going, when you ache for the taste of that non-obtainable finest quality, you'd in the end suck it all up and settle with the second grade goods. Not because you want it, but because you're too deep in you can't imagine living your life without it. So bad drugs is better than no drugs. Like how second leveled love from the one you love is better than not receiving any love or attention from them at all. Like how we settle with getting so much less than what we deserve. By accepting an ungiving love that hurts us deep down as we keep our face straight and tears held back because we think this is what love is. Sounds familiar?


Now I've gotten in to deep. For every piece of me that wants you, another backs away

Ultimately though, both drugs are detrimental. Much like how love can be. It can make a man. But it can also break a real man. I've learned, no matter how painful it is to leave the second grade stuff and start afresh a clean person, to have to undergo the painful withdrawal that just shakes your entire being and reduce you to the state of nothingness, it has to be done. Because only by this way can you save yourself from the ultimate death sentence that you choose to inflict upon yourself.


These days I haven't been sleeping. Staying up playing back myself leaving

Moving on is I think a slow process which takes its time. They say it takes time to heal. There's no rushing it. We can mask the pain beneath a flurry of activities, but it doesn't mean that all the pain and the hurt, the raw emotions that you feel is gone. No baby, it's very much still there. But that's allright. We have love around us and as we continue to take all of this love surrounding us in and giving our love to all these people that cares about you, for you, it'll pass. And there's no better surprise than to realise one day that you truly have moved on and opened your heart to another.

And I'll say hey, you'll say baby. How's your day? I'll say crazy, but it's all gonna be allright..I'm loving you tonight

I'll be waiting for this day. Slow and steady mon cheri

One of the little things

It's lovely to just go over to your friends house and spend some time with them there. Play a game of gin rummy or two. Have a glass of coke with the tv tunned in to the AFC channel and a programme showcasting France with the familiar slur of french accent rolling off in the background. Even to play around with the voice activation system of your friends new car. Or simply to lounge in the sitting room catching a movie, blinds drawn, air-conditioning on, cookies within reach and the rain ouside. Light snores from the doggy sitting near me and wonderful company. I really couldn't ask for more.

                                                This picture is dedicated to your Flippy.
                                                Now isn't he a handsome one? *winks*

 Edit: Let me hold your hand :)

Me thinks this picture is lovely. It can be seen in two ways..a parting or a beginning.

But today, it's a beginning :)

Show me how you Burlesque baby

Burlesque. The place with glamourous flikering of lights, sashaying of hips and swishing of hair. With smoking hot ladies dancing in what appears to be lingerie like costumes, a male lead with those defined abs and oh so sexy hipbones, awesome vocals and jaw-dropping dance moves, you know it's going to be good. Real good.


Christina's presence coupled with the thrill of seeing her armed with an eye-candy of a man like Cam Gigandet (Jack in the movie) with that sculptered body of his makes you secretly curse under your breath wishing you were her. This I can assure you is not a joke.


Indeed I can still picture the rapidly flickering lights ebbing in and out as I trangress into the world of Burlesque to the gyrating moves of the lyrics E-X-P-R-E-S-S, love, sex, ladies no regrets. Indeed, the dark side of love, booze and sex never seemed lovelier.

Holla there!

Finally got to start on my new blog. Phewww. That was quite some effort there.

Note to self : 2011, I should start to be less of a procrastinator


“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson


Sammie