Lately some things has been happening and I was trying to find an answer. However in my quest to find this reasoning, I think I risked too much. I showed people my vulnerability and with that alot of inferences were deduced. I know I was upset. A little mad even. But then I think people started thinking I was just furious and maybe just overly tensed up round the clock. Basically nothing good. I can't say they're outright wrong, because I was a little bit of everything at some point. But I think from that, having had that impression that I was in such a mode, my words these past couple of days were actually taken out of context when I didn't mean it the way people saw it to be. Don't take it that way ite. I really do not mean it to be so.

The whole thing about moving on, to stop thinking about the past and letting go is complicated. It's difficult for friends to see what I was trying to achieve. Never was I fighting to get back a relationship that I knew wasn't there. But it was fighting for the friendship that's left. Fighting for honesty and truth. Fighting the faith of wanting to believe in you again. It was fighting to know why certain promises were broken. The promises to be lived up to regardless if together or not. Its one of those things where only the two people involved can understand its depth.

The misunderstanding of my words, possibly its because of the way I portrayed myself to be in the last couple of weeks. Maybe all I seem like is that I'm just full of rage, unable to get past the past. Today you sent me a text before you flew off telling me that I should calm down and stop thinking of the past. Admittedly the past couple of weeks hasn't been an emotionally smooth sail. That is the truth. I was fighting for alot of things. Things that may be hard for you to understand. We always knew that we were two so different people. But unlike your conclusion that introverts should date introverts, I digress. For me, I don't think I'll let that trait determine who I choose to be with even after this.

But you know, I am finally able to say that I have achieved that feeling of calmness.The strangest part was that that sense of calm enveloped me when after so long I finally told myself that I'm willing to let everything go. That I need not have to fight for this friendship so bad. That it is okay to just lose everything that we have. To rebuild or not, that lies in the future. Of couse I would always wish for the best. It's a really weird thing to explain to anyone. To let go this feeling of wanting to have that person remain as a part of your life regardless of what role each of the party takes on, its tough. Its tough to accept losing their presence. And it's something that you'll only be able to connect to after you have been given the chance to love someone so deeply and be loved back equally. That is why talking to V is comforting. We're similar in ways when it comes to loving someone. When it comes to giving. Maybe in the end we're the ones that risk losing alot because we love so deeply and completely. But I don't think we can actually love any other way.

I'm actually glad that night happened. That night helped me see how things were and that realization brought me to where I am now. Truly, I am not upset nor worked up anymore. I am the calmest that I have been for the past couple of weeks. And I can confidently say that that feeling remained even as I read your text to me tonight. Telling me to stop thinking of the past. Because I have. Not the bit of what we were, that one I've learnt to let go even before. But that night, I learnt to let go off the final bit which held me back. The bit where I needed reassurance that I'll still have your presence grace my life. The journey has yet to be completed and there's still work to do. But at least, I have gotten past the toughest part.

Looking towards the future like I am Superman.